End of 2012 Reflections

I commenced this hopefully short discussion at approximately the same time on the same day on which I discovered the "small lump" one year ago.  After the mandatory three day waiting period (waiting until offices reopened after the holiday) during which I could "take stock" of my life and envision the drama of my pending "end", the whole event was addressed rather easily.  Long story short, on Tuesday it was checked, found malignant, removed, radiated and gone by February 1st, leaving me only slightly, but not noticeably, maimed.  By following all my medical experts' directions, I expect my "end" is not pending for some time to come.   

The year 2012 was a busy one, much busier than I liked.  I am, after all, supposed to be retired.  The outcome of the busy-ness, however, is great.  My "protected person", for whom I am conservator and guardian, is now settled into an assisted living home which will, hopefully, keep her even though she will now be supported by public health care assistance.  And the application process for this assistance is going smoothly.

In addition my very dear friend and now former neighbor is happily moved to a lovely senior housing apartment, her home has been cleaned out and she has probably sold it to someone who will appreciate it.    Helping both of these people gave some the impression that I am a kind and caring person - and, damn it, I am - sometimes.

Also in this year I acquired a fifth Boston Terrier, a puppy whose papa is the litter mate of my Gracie.  His name is Lord William B, but I call him Darcy or more appropriately, Mr. Darcy, if you please.  He's nine months old and a very smart, cute and loving guy.  (Of course he's smart, cute and loving.  He's a Boston Terrier)  He is now living with his grandmother, his aunt and two of his cousins, all at my home/s.  He may even be pretty enough for a championship title.  We shall see.

Probably I don't need to mention that I was pleased (understatement) with the outcome of the election (not to mention thrilled that it was finally over) and, as of  this writing, am again a huge Vikings fan.  Also, I look forward to some fun rooting for our NBA and WNBA basketball teams, the Wolves and the Lynx.  Have to wait for spring to pass judgment on the TWINS, but they can't be worse than they were the past two years.

I headed to Phoenix on the day before the first big snowstorm in Minnesota and, except for some very slow travel on packed snow in New Mexico (slow but safe at a fuel saving speed of 2 mph and surrounded by big trucks), had a thankfully uneventful trip to my winter home.  In travel uneventful is good!

Having had a very pleasant Christmas eve with my relatives and my Phoenix choir family and a very pleasant and gluttonous Christmas day with my family, I am spending a quiet and contemplative New Year's weekend with my loving and lovely Bostons, and thinking about all the good things that have happened this year.  Among these and most important of all are the many laughs and good times I have with my dear friends wherever they are - and the blessings of love and caring I receive each day of each year.  And I wish the same blessings and peace to all of you!

I am as anti-gun as anyone can be, but I'm troubled that we are focusing so heavily on gun control  after Sandy Hook.  According to reports I heard, the killer's mother went through at least two rigorous and  significant checks and procedures to obtain some if not all of her guns.  Further evaluations of potential gun purchasers is not a bad idea, but it is not clear to me that these new rules and regulations would have prevented this particular event, no matter how much I approve of stringent requirements for potential gun owners, which I do.

I am absolutely in agreement that we need to understand and restructure the way we handle mental illnesses; however, again I'm not sure earlier intervention or stricter controls over the mentally ill would have prevented this event.  What strikes me that I am not seeing addressed so far is that we live in a culture of violence in which movies, advertisements, TV shows and video games create super exciting "action" scenarios that are replete with horrific violence.  In less graphic times a disturbed person with issues such as those which must have prompted this killer he might have taken his own life quietly and though tragic, such a taking may well have spared the other 27 people who died in this event.  What I see influencing this event much more significantly than his access to his mother's weapons "of mass destruction" is the excitement of going out with a huge bang.  Just like a video game, or like the movies or upcoming TV shows (even series)  that I shut my eyes and mute my TV to avoid the previews for.

Frankly, I can think of no other really strong reason why he should go to an elementary school and take the lives of innocent and defenseless children and their teachers.  Can you? 

Little Black Sambo

When I was a child, I recited for my class during kindergarten nap time the story we knew as "Little Black Sambo".  Yes, I too cringe at the title, but this would have been in 1943.  I am told that I did this so well I was asked to recite it for the whole school in one of the regular all school assemblies at which families were invited to attend.  My mother affirmed this story, saying that I should have remembered this story because I had made her read it to me over and over, no matter how many other stories she offered to read.  She also noted that I had recited the story flawlessly at the school assembly including the exact inflections that Mother had always used.

This memory arose as I have been reading a recent Alexander McCall Smith novel from his Isabel Dalhousie series in which the main character has a toddler son who insisted his mother read this story to him over and over again.  As the author wrote, "The current enthusiasm was a once-suppressed book about a small boy who is stalked by a tribe of fightening tigers. . . ."  I know that story.  It ends with the tigers chasing each other round and round a palm tree until they turn into butter.  In the novel Isabel in discussing the story noted "'I know it's a classic, but I really have had enough.  And it's so full of . . . well, every sort of assumptioin that we don't want people to make.'"

I can assure Mr. Smith, a favorite author, and his charachter, Isabel, that I have grown up to be no more biased than any other crusading liberal civil rights advocate. Perhaps as little children we don't recognize the stereotypes more knowledgeable adults see.  Or at least we don't adopt them as stereotypes when we are really just enjoying the thought of bright clothes and tigers chasing themselves in circles until they turn to butter.

The lamps are unplugged and the towel is in the drawer

He's not biting as much or as hard as he was a week or two ago, but he's running faster and has learned how to play "catch me if you can."  I chased him around the dining room table and thought I had him, until I saw him go a ways, then stop and turn back, knowing I had changed directions to catch him.   He is no longer showing up between my feet where I was seeing him just in time to avoid falling on my face and/or crushing his little foot.  I don't remember puppies being this energetic or relentless, but I was younger then as well.
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At first I was praising him when he peed or otherwise took care of his business during our frequent trips out of doors, but I've come to realize that this praise does not yet have any real effect on his behavior.  He  doesn't seem to process my soothing, happy tone of voice for its actual meaning.   Perhaps less soothing sounds now and then will give him a reference point.  That may well come soon.

He is less demanding when he is in his kennel, but continues to pick up with his mouth and chew on pretty much everything he can find - rocks,bugs, dried leaves, dirt, file drawer handles, corners of the couch and, occasionally, on a chew bone or treat actually meant for that purpose.

I was delighted to find that he did not like the taste of the bitter apple spray that is meant to discourage his eating my furniture.  There is hope that some or all of that might be spared.  The kitchen towel is in the drawer so that he does not tug it down from its hanger and race around with it enticing a good game of tug with one of his relatives.  Some of the lamp cords have been generously sprayed with bitter apple and others are at least safe from conveying a dangerous shock.  He has started climbing the three back stairs to the kitchen from the back door and is trying hard to figure out how to get in through the dog door.  And he has earned his first title.  He's officially an LLM - Little Loud Mouth.  Eventually, I suppose, he will be a BLM - Bigger Loud Mouth, like his cousins.  I'm sure he'll frighten off all intruders and be well worth his keep for saving us all.  Right now his LLM is used only for self gratification, and I am trying really, really hard not to reward this behavior by letting him out or otherwise responding.  It is helping, but we have a long way to go. 

On at least one occasion, the little loud mouth was removed from the bedroom to the downstairs kennel, so I could sleep.  He wasn't fussing, just playing with his blanket and toy and thumping on the crate in intriguing  and unexpected intervals.  He seemed well rested in the morning, and, thankfully, so was I.  He's actually been good at night.  For all the disturbances, funny, scary and sometimes annoying tricks, this little sweety has added to my already joyful and love filled life in a very positive and delightful way.  Just one look with a few energetic licks from him for good measure and pretty much all of life's worries and stresses simply evaporate.

Rediscovering my Inner Woman

Yesterday I went shopping, somewhat spontaneously.  At the Hanes outlet store, I bought what I had come for, then I stepped across the street to wander around the Ann Taylor factory store.  For the past probably 30 or more years I have not set foot in any stores selling dresses and feminine blouses and general women's stuff.  This is the logical outcome of the fact that I rarely wear anything but t-shirts and elastic waist pants; however, I am looking forward to showing a Boston Terrier that I co-own at our National Specialty Show in Houston next month.  I want to look my best in hope this beautiful dog will be taken seriously.

After some tryings on and consideration, I bought not just one, but two pretty dresses (40% off)  in styles I don't remember ever wearing before.  Chuckling to myself  about my uncharacteristic purchase, I headed back to the Hanes shop for some "shaping" undergarments.  With some trepidation I explored the depth of this odd impulse to see if it might be strong enough to take me to the make up counter at Walgreens or the high heeled shoe section at Dillards or, heaven forbid, to both.  With a sigh of relief I realized I am not interested in that - yet.  Then I remembered that I have been taking Estrogen for almost two months and am directed to continue this indefinitely.  I will have to be very careful in the future when these impulses come along.

Bad News! Good News!

And so it came to pass on the 30th day of December, 2011, that I decided to look more closely at this odd occurrence on my left tit; and soon discovered that it clearly was a "lump".  That left me with Saturday, the 31st, Sunday the 1st, and Monday, the legal holiday, to anticipate the end of my life as I've known it.  First to adjust to living with only one tit - ok, that's not too hard.  Then to adjust to the idea that I might have treatment that would destroy my hair and make me even more noticable in a crowd - ok, I can handle a little attention.  And finally, to wonder "what about if it is really bad and gets worse, how much time would I have to mend my friendships and finish all that I still wanted to do in my life?"  Ok, that was a little hard.  Bottom line, it was a long three days.

But, eventually, Tuesday rolled around and I had in quick succession a mammogram, an ultra sound and a biopsy.  By Thursday I knew there were cancer cells in that little lump, and I had an appointment with a really good breast specialist the following Tuesday.  After an MRI on Wednesday of that week, I was scheduled for a lumpectomy on Friday, the 13th.  In that successful operation my surgeon removed the lump, checked the lymph glands (they were free of cancer) and sent me home to recuperate.  I'll be having radiation in the near future and then will move on with my life.  An interesting two weeks, but the outcome could not be better in the circumstances.  I have a new respect for life and the challenges we face.  And I have an awesome number of good people who are my friends and very, very much for which to be grateful.

My advice: If you are at risk, or if you find a lump, for which you should be regularly checking, DO something right away.  Get your mammograms regularly as recommended.  Don't sit around worrying - that accomplishes nothing.  Move forward and take charge.  The best way to assure good news is to act quickly and early.  Life is short already - don't make it shorter by putting off what needs to be done.

My first Phoenix Outing

Without my dear friends from Minneapolis to join me, I have put off outings for three years now. Sure, I've had visits from my Mpls/Tucson friends and other friends and relatives during the season. We've had dinners out, visited the Desert Gardens' Luminaries and attended spring training games, but there's still a lot of time to fill between these events.  Much to look forward to as well.

Today I found myself on the brink of depression. I was swearing at my opponent on my Kindle Fire Scrabble game, was totally indifferent to any Sudoku puzzle and was very annoyed with my Spider Solitaire game, which I seldom win.  Realizing I had to do something else with at least some of my time, I sprang forth from my leather recliner and marched purposefully out the door and down the block to Dillard's, located in my neighborhood shopping mall. Three blocks later I reached the traffic light on that busy street that I've always driven on or across, punched the pedestrian button and walked across the street, where I found it interesting that there was no sidewalk, just a surprisingly empty portion of the Mall parking lot, 

At Dillard's I browsed the shoe department, bought some socks, then rode the escalator upstairs where things were eerily quiet for the week before Christmas.  Reviewed the kitchen gadget department. Did you know you can buy gadgets that prepare two grilled sandwiches at the same time and another gadget that makes quesadillas?  Lots of one cup coffee makers there as well.  So many gadgets to fill the empty cupboards of the truly trendy set.  I visited with a delightful American woman who lives in the Netherlands, but is here for the holidays.  She told me the Netherlands is the most successful free enterprise country in the world because they realize the importance of taking care of all their people.  

Then I visited with an employee named Roxanne, who moved here from Minnesota after her husband died.   We discussed families and our situations.  She suggested I might join a Singles group at a church, perhaps a Bible Study group.  I don't think so, but she did assure me such a group would probably accept me even though I'm "getting on in years" (my words).  There were no interruptions and we could have gone on for hours, but I was getting hungry.

Finally, I was off to the Paradise Bakery for a sandwich, after which I ventured outdoors and found my way back to my parking lot and intersection and home again.  I bought three pairs of socks and some small gift type items for my cousins and feel so much better for the outing, I'm almost ready to play another game of Scrabble on my Fire. 

No ouch anymore

Today's milestone was the realization that I no longer say "ouch" when I get into or out of the car.  Yes!! I've been noticing the teeny, tiny improvements every day for the past two and a half months.  Today I realize that I hardly think of the old hip joint at all.  Not totally healed, but damned close.  Hip surgery is miraculous.  To enjoy walking and feeling better the more I do is priceless.  To anyone knowing their joint/s are deteriorating, my advice is to see a specialist and follow his/her good advice.  Don't put it off.  Don't waste time with pain you don't have to bear.  We live in a wonderful time in so many ways.  Yes, I know there are issues.  Take advantage of the good.

Discovery

The other day as I was wasting time at my computer surveying the many treasures of thought I have saved there, I ran across my first efforts at accomplishing my fantasy autobiography.  Aside from the fact the portions of my life that might be even remotely interesting to someone else are about enough to fill a somewhat oversized pamphlet, but never a "book", my humble instincts, of which I have few, have been sufficient to give me pause, lest I plunge headlong into an endeavor that will humiliate me and embarrass others.   Still, I've begun to contemplate ways in which to enhance the effort.

Running across the beginning efforts, however, I was pleasantly surprised to find that I actually enjoyed reading some of the material.  Not to sound too self impressed, I will say I thought it was actually rather well written.  I am, therefore, reconsidering the autobiographical possibilities, although I don't quite know how to overcome the other problems -  that there is not that much of interest in my life and that, no matter how clever I think my writing is, few others would find it worth reading.  Still, I need a project and a goal.  Maybe writing about myself, since no one wants to hear me talking about myself, might be the way to go.  After all, no one really will be forced to read it.

Oh what a beautiful Monday Morning!

Settling in for my winter sojourn in my warm place, I've now been here long enough to do laundry - As my washing was merrily rolling along in its ecologically correct, chemically free detergent (not relevant, but "points" for me nevertheless), I noticed a small rivlet of water finding its way across the tile floor and under the garage door. 

Thoughts that struck me as I put down a couple of large "shamwows" - you know, those magic synthetic chamois that we hear about at the State Fair, dog shows and occasionally on QVC channels.  First, I considered the two nice, thick, cushy towels that were going to be left, along with other clothes, all soapy and soggy in the bottom of the washer, and reconsidered my mother's lifestyle.  She always kept and continued using smaller towels with a minimum of "plush".  Most people throw those away and, like me, buy larger,plush towels.  I may have to reconsider.  As something was clearly leaking, I felt that running the spin cycle was probably not wise. 

I thought also of my mother's wisdom in that, up until she broke her hip at age 97, she always washed clothes using a Maytag ringer washer.  I so could have used that ringer.  Squeezing those huge, thick bathtowels to transfer them to the sink to rinse them and then transfer them outside to hang over the patio chairs is almost more than an old girl can handle. 

I discovered, after a careful sifting through the dozens of receipts and other papers here that I have an unexpired warranty on the washer.  A phone call to Sears yielded a person who took down the information, then said please hold, after which I heard crackles of static of the kind with which we who use cell phones are only too familier.  So, I hung up and called  the number again only to be informed by automated recording that I was scheduled for a service call on Thursday between 1 and 6.  If that were not convenient, I have no idea what I would do, as there was no option to reach a human person and discuss the matter. 

As of now, I am still mopping up the water and the things I could ring out are in the dryer, while the sweatshirt and large bath towels are hanging on the patio.  It's raining in Phoenix - through tomorrow, as I understand it.  Timing is everything.

A bright spot

Seeking my car in the parking lot, I realized it was being hidden by a huge, black Cadillac Escalade SUV.  Mulling negative thoughts about that disgusting vehicle, the guy about to get into it spoke to me about our president and chanted "Four more years! Four more years!" and I realized he was responding to my 2012 Obama window sticker. He then added "he's the smartest president we've ever had", to which I heartily agreed. After a couple more agreeable comments between us, we both drove away. I smiled all the way home.

I'm really not intentionally competing

Good thing too! I have said many times, "I can't complain", because indeed I seem to be surrounded by folks in worse shape than I am in any one of the two or fewer areas where I'm not 100%. 
I also can't brag.  I tried, but alas, I'm way outdone there too.  Mentioned to a neighbor a couple blocks down that my robin babies seemed to be about to fly away.  Oh yes, she said, "My robins left the nest a long time ago, then we had a nest of mourning doves, and now that they've left, we have a nest of finches.  We sit on our patio and watch them.  They all use the same nest."  "Ah," said I, "That's so fun." And I hunched my shoulders and slithered home to attend to my measly nest of four robins, definitely less smug in my adventure with nature.  I thought later that I should have asked her not to produce so many mourning doves, as they winter in Phoenix (some of them) and eat up my grass seed.

My Lenten discipline and thoughts of home

I am impressed by some of my friends' Lenten disciplines.  One Trinity choir member is posting a daily comment on something for which he is thankful.  That's a blessing for him and all his friends.  One St. Paul's choir member has given up Facebook.  I miss her posts, so that's a sacrifice for both of us. 

My most recent course in obtaining my long overdue education is entitled "Why Evil Exists."  Inevitably this course had to mention the overwhelming evil of the Holocaust, which was used illustratively in the lecture I heard today.  I chose also to listen to some of Rev. Marlene's sermons and hit upon the sermon from this time last year, which was, it turns out, Palm Sunday.  The sermon from that day was as powerful a Palm Sunday sermon as I have ever heard, and yes, she mentioned the Holocaust.  I'm so grateful that these sermons are available any time and all the time. 

I just glanced at my Minnesota calendar and, behold! The picture of the month is of the tulips in bloom at the Arboretum.  It is really time for me to come home.  Just three weeks from today I shall begin that journey.  I need outings, and there's so much to see and do in Minnesota in the spring, summer and fall. 

Miracle cure

The ad was very positive about a "breakthrough" combination of natural herbs and remedies that would free me  from the pain of arthritis, a malady from which I suffer more and more these days.  So, since the world wide web provides us such great opportunities to gather information before deciding, I googled the name of this instasomethingorother to see just what it is known to contain.  There were, of course, the usual glucosamene, chondroitin and MSM, to which were added a number of obscure ingredients which presumably added to the effectiveness of the same old stuff. 

Not to be accused of giving up too soon, I searched out an independent review of the effectiveness of this remedy.  The Internet is a wonderful resource, since even though I am strongly motivated to find something to relieve my relatively minor discomfort, the first objective article I found confirmed that this stuff is pretty much the same old stuff, except that it is much more expensive, and being marketed aggressively in spite of or perhaps because of  its unproven value.  Why, it didn't even contain bifeda regularis.  If you want to know more about that, just ask me. 

I'm back to grumbling to my dogs about my sore knees, hips and lower back, while biting my tongue to avoid complaining to those with whom I socialize and hope to keep as friends.   The wagon may be gone, but the medicine man lives on.

My Days in the Sun

I have been listening to college courses on such subjects as how to write complex sentences, U.S. History and now Comparative Religions.  I'm enjoying these courses, although the section on U.S. History that presented the women's movement in the 60's and 70's was disappointing, and the discussion of sentences in which the professor mispronounced the word was distracting.  Still, overall, I'm learning or relearning things I find interesting.  Today I was pleased to hear the professor in my Comparative Religions course speak of the important work in this area being done by Karen Armstrong and Diana Eck.  Some of you may recall that both of these persons were part of my brief foray into presenting speakers at St. Paul's.  I feel so proud to have met them.

Listening to these very interesting speakers every time I get into my car for even the shortest of errands keeps my mind from rotting any more than necessary.  I expect to immerse myself in a course on Listening to Classical Music for my drive home at the end of April, and meanwhile I'm looking at a course entitled Why Evil Exists, followed by a History of Christian Theology.   Keeping my mind active absorbing or attempting to absorb information that is not part of an outrageous new political movement, or new international disaster or another war front helps improve my perspective on life significantly.

I often then find myself able to catch parts of a number of interesting sports at the parks where I walk the dogs.  Saturdays I get glimpses of Little League games, soccer games, lacrosse, cricket, football and, occasionally, Frisbee golf.  I realize that but for having interviewed Charles Peterson for our St. Paul's Messenger, I wouldn't even know the game they are playing is cricket.  Belonging to St. Paul's has taught me more than I sometimes realize.

There are at least three very nice parks near my home here where I can walk the dogs and enjoy watching the activities.  Phoenix is really not a bad place to be, all things considered.

My home town

Just learned that my home town is in the girl's state basketball tournament and won their first game in their division.  Good for them!  I used to play basketball, and we were proud that we made it to the finals of the sectional, but we never made it to the state event.  We did, however, attend the state tournament in Des Moines, where some of us looked old enough to buy a beer - and did.  The lure of the bid city and its evil ways.  Of course, I've been totally law abiding since then.

Odebolt's excellent web site is worth a look and is linked at the left.  From humble roots . . . .

Troubling news

Being from a state which eliminated capital punishment years ago, I was troubled in the past week or so as the  media reported, calmly and without any sense of momentousness, that someone has recently been executed and another person has just been sentenced to death after conviction of an admittedly horrendous crime.  Does anyone take such decisions lightly?  I've never lived in a state where the law commits legal murder.  Somehow it doesn't feel right.

This is also the state where the legislature is considering legislation to establish a "state gun".  Then I listen to Reverend Marlene's sermons on Jesus' Sermon on the Mount and wonder anew how we can consider ourselves to be a Christian nation.

Nostalgic afternoon

Today I took some time to listen to the sermons of Rev Marlene Jacobs, St. Paul's Episcopal Church in Minneapolis.  That's my home parish, and Rev. Marlene's ability to zone in on the essential lesson she is making in a period of 8-10 minutes is outstanding.  What a joy to be able to listen to these.  I've put a link to them on my list.  Check it out.

The lunatic fringe

Is the majority in the Arizona legislature and governor's office.  It's almost surreal.  They are passing legislation that deletes all requirements that their citizens comply with federal laws and regulations.  This inspired bit of nastiness is intended to make it illegal for illegal immigrants, or those who can't prove that they are legal immigrants, to drive cars, get medical care, send their kids to school and who knows what else.  Police also arrested and detained two immigration advocates pretty much for having the temerity to enter the State Capitol, a building that should be public.  The governor and/or the legislature have ruled that public funding will not be available for the uninsured residents who need transplant surgery.  Phoenix is hosting the Tea Party's national convention this weekend, which is ok, I suppose, and the Tea Party will be right at home here.  And I think I heard that Phoenix is also hosting a UFO convention.  Actually, it seems Phoenix may be the leader in UFO sightings, but I haven't check that out.  All of this nonsense is going on while the state labors under a 6.5 million dollar deficit, and I have found no legislative initiative that looks to creating jobs or reducing that deficit. 

The sacrifices I have to make to avoid Minnesota winters may be more than I can handle on a continuing basis. 

Quirky coincidences

A couple weeks ago I transcribed one of my December interviews for my Spotlight on Members column in my church newsletter, and was interested to hear my subject mention Thomas Jefferson's 1800 revolution, not a common event in day to day conversation.  Yet just that day, this historic event was the subject of  my American history lecture, which I am listening to when I drive.  A quirky coincidence, I thought.

Today I read that a new dollar coin is coming out honoring our 17th U.S. president, and, guess what.  That is  the subject of the section of American history I listened to in yesterday evening's lecture.  Now how about that?
Quirky coincidences!  This is my reward for paying attention. 

So do you know who our 17th president was?  Hint: He succeeded Abraham Lincoln after his assassination.  And to think I hated history in high school.